My Brother -.-
My brother is seriously starting to piss me off. Let’s start off that the fact he’s acting like a total freeloader, sort of like he owns the place! It’s sooo stupid! He’s not even working, is seriously lazy, and acts like he does a lot! For someone staying at home DOING NOTHING (not even attempting to get a job), shouldn’t he be doing a lot more around the house? I mean sometimes he’d be using dumb excuses like “Oh, I was killing bugs.” NO. THAT DOESN’T COUNT IF YOU JUST WALK AROUND THE HOUSE RANDOMLY KILLING BUGS. HE DOESN’T DO ANYTHING.
The next thing, he doesn’t fucking BATHE FOR GOD SAKES!!! Do you know what it’s like to have a person that smells like an assbomb?! Well, you don’t. It’s horrible! One of the worst times was a little less than a month ago, I came home from a long day of college (8 am to 5 pm) and was seriously tired. I went up to my room to relax… I opened up the door, he was standing there, I walked in the room… And… I WALKED. INTO A ROOM. THAT. SMELLED. LIKE. ASS! It was like a gas bomb of ass was set off! I was seriously disgusted to the point where I almost threw up and the smell lasted in my nose for almost 15 minutes! I MEAN HOT DAMN THAT WAS GROSS!!!
Another thing is that he can be a control freak! A control freak. CONTROL FREAK. He acts like he has the authority to tell me and my sister what to do! Does he? NO! Do I listen to people to people who are below me? NO! I’m sorry, but I wont consider him my equal for a long time if he keeps this up. No one should ever listen to people below them, and he is far below me, not until he starts being more mature.
And, one of the last things that annoys me, is one of those things where he’s being extremely socially awkward and wouldn’t leave me alone or would check on me out of nowhere when I just want to be alone. It’s like “Why are you here… GO AWAY!!!” I’ve gotten mad at him quite a few times lately when I just want to be left alone and he just WOULD NOT LEAVE. I MEAN COME ON GO.
Sorry for the rant, but I had to get it out.
Suffering In Silence (Song)
Now that I’ve finally finished it last night before going to bed, I’ll just post it now. Enjoy~
Lyrics for Suffering in Silence
A pain that grips you by the throat
Picks you up and throws you alone into the boat
Bat swinging at your head, fucking you up
Now you’re traumatized with no more hope
And you look up and you see
Dark stars, beaming down grimacing so furiously
Their eyes are all gazing at me waiting for me with intensity
They come on through, attacking, distracting, my head they be whacking
Guess what happens next
You’re sitting there, alone and depressed
Oh you poor kid suffering in silence
Your mind wont shut up and be quiet
I thought God was on our side
What the fuck is wrong with my mind
Oh you poor kid suffering in silence
Mental blockades full of saddening defiance
Reflections of yourself are weighing you down
And you wonder if you’re going to drown
Sometimes people would want to call me insane
But, honestly, you should shut up and save me from my vain
Don’t stare at me like I’m a freak
Or even have the balls to look me in the eyes and call me a creep
Pain sometimes isn’t a choice
Especially when you can’t listen to your voice
Reason is gone and everyone else is in silence
Call me insane or stupid then maybe I’ll be violent
Inside of my mind it wants to tear me down
Swirling in my mind around and around
Hear me out my lovelies and I’ll make this clear
Talk to me now and take away my fear
Oh you poor kid suffering in silence
Your mind wont shut up and be quiet
I thought God was on our side
What the fuck is wrong with my mind
Oh you poor kid suffering in silence
Mental blockades full of saddening defiance
Reflections of yourself are weighing you down
And you wonder if you’re going to drown
Let’s not be to hasty
With death right beside me
A gun to my head
Is that enough said
He will pull the trigger
While giving me the finger
Oh don’t do this
Screw this
It’s dumb shit
What’s there to fix
Maybe I wont care at all
When I die, I’m the only one to fall
Stare at me with tears down your eyes
Watch me go down straight to my demise
Now all this could happen if you do not see the signs
Keep your friends close and read between the lines
Sometimes we’re scared to tell people the truth
With a little bit of love, we’re most likely to recoup
So give out your heart to all of your friends
Hope that you’ve learned that you can save them from “The End”
No more poor kids suffering in silence
Save them from themselves and mind abusing violence
They’ll forever be grateful for everything you’ve done
So take them by their hand and go, run!
No more poor kids suffering in silence
Join in their forces, be one with the alliance
I promise that your voice isn’t worth nothing
And, in the end, you truly have done something
And in return that we promise you love
For everything that you have done
Suffering in Silence
This often happens to me. The times whenever I’m depressed is when nobody is usually up this late (Or people I wouldn’t mind talking to about it). It’s around midnight it happens, but for some reason, while waiting for tennis to begin, it slowly began to sink in. Whenever I get depressed, there is this odd burning sensation I feel in my head whenever it happens. It intensifies whenever it gets worse and worse.
Why this is called “Suffering in Silence” is due to the fact that no one is usually around when I want to talk to someone to help, so I end up suffering alone most of the time. Sometimes I feel like it’s either I’m not going anywhere in life, I’m a failure, I regret something big, or I feel like I wanna kill myself. Right now, it feels like a combo of all of those things. As I cry and type this, it leaves a burning hole in my heart feeling like there is no love and nothing in my life is true. Paranoia starts up and everything goes bat shit crazy. Being a depressed child hurts, and it will keep on hurting.
Psychologically, I know that it’s not actually that bad, but my brain will not and does not accept the fact that it is the case of “Nothing is actually that bad”… But then that depressed side rebuttals “You actually don’t know that for sure! ALL OF IT could be the case, you stupid fuck!” Ahhhhhhhhhhh depression, you’re so fucking wonderful *insert loads of sarcasm here*…
If I had people I can always talk to at this time of night, people who will definitely be there for me, at any time, I would love that… So very much…